Report #2
This week we welcomed into the BB house, Golden ticket winner Suzie ‘I simply must have that ticket daddy’ Salt. In a ballot that couldn’t’ have been more rigged if it had been in Florida and her surname had been Bush. Suzie the floozy was chosen to compete in this year BB extravaganza.
But Suzie’s entrance as the golden ticket winner wasn’t straightforward…Suzie has to wear gold 24/7, she also been given her own golden quarters and in what’s probably not an altogether unusual scenario for her, a private golden shower
But Suzie’s block buster entrance didn’t stop there, this week she has been given the power to nominate who faces the public vote. Much to the consternation of the fellow housemates.
Glynn’s initial reaction was of despair as he came to terms with the fact that he had to communicate with yet another posh Londoner, yep she is so posh that this Sundays red tops had her revealed as a £100 a night lap dancer at a dingy pub in Pinner. But Glynn was soon to realise that actions speak louder than tourettes. By making Suzie a cup of tea, she invited him to his first ever dinner party on Saturday night.
Glynn got just a little bit too excited by the prospect and I swear when he sat in the diary room , all DJ and dickie bow, I’m sure I could see a little bit of wee dribble out. He was giggling like a 12yr old school boy who had just reached the section on Africa in his geography text book…with the tribal women...with baskets on their heads…and errmmm floppy tits hanging out…..or was that just me. But I digress.
Our vision from the valleys Imogen seemed equally unimpressed with Suzie as Imogen seems to be getting out siliconed of the house. With more manufactured breast on display than a bargain bucket from KFC, Imogens natural charms are being forced to take a back seat. But she is without doubt the only decent talent on show, whatever time of day, how ever much make up, you still would use her sh*t for toothpaste.
The other big talking point of the week has been ‘Get Grace out’, the wannabe IT girl just can’t understand it, what has she done, well she’s gonna to find out this week as you can be sure that Davina will take a massive dislike to her at her eviction interview on Friday. Its gonna be not so Amazing Grace for the totty with the tight little botty.
Until next week…
Week 4 Ratings
Aisleyne – well she’s definitely got herself in with the right crowd so I think she’s gonna be there for the duration. The producers are yearning for her and Glynn to get it on but all that seems to be happening is that hair is getting yellowier and yellowier. Glynn’s gotta be gutted though as she’s confessed to have been dreaming about Mick nice but thick. Sparkling wit and conversation obviously not high on the list for the Ghetto Princess. 5/10
Glynn – Pete’s closest contender, and his naivety is endearing. If he could get it on with Aislyene then both of them will make the final 3. But if not then his gormless goofball demeanor will only take him so far. He’s had a good week and for only 2nd time in his life he has worn a suit. If you were to guess his favourite TV programme I’d have to go for ‘You’ve been framed’, bet he lol’s to that. 7/10
Grace – Grace has had a bit of jolt to the system, hearing the ‘get grace out’ jeers has knocked her confidence for six. And we’ve had tears. The producers have obviously cut her badly but every panto needs its villain. She’s up for eviction and she’s gonna go on Friday, which will be a loss to the show. She was our best option for conflict. Bye Grace. 7/10
Pete – The footlong has been quiet this week, a little run in with Lisa has the potential to develop but no real highlights for the twitching bleeping whizzing whistling ant lover. Bit disappointed he hasn’t rested his head on Suzie’s bangers yet. Still the clear race leader. 6/10
Lea – The drastic plastic is hideous, smearing herself in Baby oil as she sunbathes is a classy act and probably something she picked up on the set of one of her ‘photo shoots’. She’s got it bad for Pete, who has had his personal space violated by a couple silicone space hoppers. In one of those Lea/Pete embraces I swear he was unable to breathe for over 2mins, he was engulfed in mammary. I fear that Lea may kill Pete if it carries on. 3/10
Suzie the Floozy – Well she’s made it into the BB house after her husband, in true Verruca Salt style, bought over 4k’s worth of Kit Kats. She’s pretty, got big tits but looks oh so dull. I can’t see her causing conflict and I can’t see her getting it on with anyone…maybe she’ll give Glynn a lap dance. Don’t see her getting very far. We’ll see, if your that desperate to get in the house you must have something you wanna share…5/10
Big Dick – Quiet-ish week for Big Dickie but there’s more toadying than toad of toad hall. He has more faces than a nightclub in Gants hill. Straight into Suzie, he made sure he got his name on the welcome dinner party guest list. Not making many friends with the so called normals clique but playing the game, if a tad dangerously. Watch out Dickie you’ve got bogies on your tail. 4/10
Lisa - Another non event of a week from the pie faced Manc. Her best bet is to go completely Kathy Bates on Pete. Remake Misery on poor old Pete, cut up his ties, put spaghetti in his pillow and then take a sledgehammer to his ankles. Just go completely nutbar on him. We could get BB’s first restraining order. Go Lisa, boil those bunnies. 3/10
Mickey - What a dumbarse. When will he realise that Grace doesn’t actually like you, your just something to do for a couple of weeks. He’s got Aislyene dreaming about him and Nikki watching him in the shower, he should be hanging out the back of those bints all over the Big brother House. But no his position hasn’t changed boring dullard. 3/10
Nikki - Will survive this week’s eviction and rightly so, she’s got entertainment, her description of cornflake-gate made me smile. Plus she is absolutely gagging for it. I imagine it’s like putting your hand in bag of slugs at the moment. She’s doing well. Nikki for the final 3. 7/10
Imogen – Our girl. The only thing on show that’s easy on the eye, somehow she needs to infiltrate the buoyancy aid brigade. On a positive note she isn’t upsetting the female voters and the boys are always gonna keep her in. She just needs to get a bit more tactically aware. Take the lead in the tasks Imogen. We love you . 10/10
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